As it stands, pretty much everyone hates Sacramento. Even some people who have never been there, which is pretty amazing I think you'll agree. It's that big of an assburg.
Some weeks ago I was utterly failing to chat up this girl at a goth club and she said that she was from Sacramento but that she came to this club every week. That's a two hour commute both ways. Phrasing my terms as delicately as possible, I asked why she didn't just stay in Sacramento? Don't they have clubs like this there? And she gave me the longest-suffering look I've seen in some time and said:
"Only one. And only on Sundays. And it sucks."
And I felt like that sentence summed up the entire Sacramento experience. It's the "Only on Sundays and It Sucks" city. That should be Sacramento's official city motto, "Only on Sundays and It Sucks", that should be printed on the covers of the tourism pamphlets and maybe on the sign at the city limits.
You may be wondering, what have I got against Sacramento when I don't even live there and have only passed through there a few times in my life? Well, you see, it's not about me, it's about people from Sacramento. I keep meeting them, and they keep telling me how bad it is. I don't even ask, it just comes up on its own. Obviously these people are dealing with a profound pain that needs an outlet. Which is why I'm proposing the "We Hate Sacramento Project."
This would be a communal blog where everyone who has had a bad Sacramento experience (which is to say, everyone who has ever been there. That Venn diagram is pretty much just a circle) can contribute. It'll be like the Huffington Post of Sacramento haters (although in all likelihood, the Huffington Post is already the Huffington Post of people who hate Sacramento). And it will be a great public service for the rest of us by reminding us how lucky we are that we do not, have not, and never have had to live there.
Unless of course we run for state office. Which I guess explains a lot about the people who are elected around here. I mean, what kind of a psychotic masochists volunteers for that, right?
Some weeks ago I was utterly failing to chat up this girl at a goth club and she said that she was from Sacramento but that she came to this club every week. That's a two hour commute both ways. Phrasing my terms as delicately as possible, I asked why she didn't just stay in Sacramento? Don't they have clubs like this there? And she gave me the longest-suffering look I've seen in some time and said:
"Only one. And only on Sundays. And it sucks."
And I felt like that sentence summed up the entire Sacramento experience. It's the "Only on Sundays and It Sucks" city. That should be Sacramento's official city motto, "Only on Sundays and It Sucks", that should be printed on the covers of the tourism pamphlets and maybe on the sign at the city limits.
You may be wondering, what have I got against Sacramento when I don't even live there and have only passed through there a few times in my life? Well, you see, it's not about me, it's about people from Sacramento. I keep meeting them, and they keep telling me how bad it is. I don't even ask, it just comes up on its own. Obviously these people are dealing with a profound pain that needs an outlet. Which is why I'm proposing the "We Hate Sacramento Project."
This would be a communal blog where everyone who has had a bad Sacramento experience (which is to say, everyone who has ever been there. That Venn diagram is pretty much just a circle) can contribute. It'll be like the Huffington Post of Sacramento haters (although in all likelihood, the Huffington Post is already the Huffington Post of people who hate Sacramento). And it will be a great public service for the rest of us by reminding us how lucky we are that we do not, have not, and never have had to live there.
Unless of course we run for state office. Which I guess explains a lot about the people who are elected around here. I mean, what kind of a psychotic masochists volunteers for that, right?
