Conspiracy Weary: Henry Makow.

Conspiracy nuts are, of course, terrifying people, but also hilarious people. The internet was a Godsend for these folks, as in generations past most of them were able to disseminate their views only via bathroom graffiti and whatever they managed to shriek at you while squeegeeing your windshield at the intersection.

Henry Makow, for example, is a Canadian conspiracy nut and part-time board game inventor (not a joke). His gimmick isn't that inventive; he insists that the New World Order are working their asses off to depopulate the earth. Makow's insanity stands out in HOW he claims the NWO are doing this, though: by turning us all gay or just convincing us to sleep around without ever settling down.

Makow has appointed himself a kind of Cockblocker General of the entire world, utilizing his blog and various books to quietly explain to young men (always men; Makow never has much to say to women beyond "Stay in the kitchen,") that every sperm is sacred. Just how weird of a dude is Henry Makow? Perhaps to answer this question we may look to his essay, "Why All Porn is Gay". I mean, really, now that we've read the title, how can we not?

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Plain = Makow

Bold = Me

What kind of man is this: He is fastidious about his appearance, his home and his possessions. He wants as much sex as possible and chooses sexual partners mostly on the basis of appearance. He is self-absorbed and doesn't want emotional involvement or commitment. He thinks a woman would stifle him and children would be a burden.

Oh, wait, I know this one!

Does this sound like many gays?

Oh. Wow, I was WAY off...

It is also the masculine ideal purveyed by Playboy magazine to men since the 1950's. The "establishment" agenda is to destabilize and neuter us by encouraging homosexual behavior. This ensures we don't propagate since homosexuals have sex but don't have children.

Somehow or another we gayed ourselves up to about seven billion people last year. But I guess it takes a while for a plan like this to really get rolling, yeah?

A perceptive reader recently wrote me: "If heterosexual sex outside of marriage is acceptable, if we eliminate the procreative aspect from sex, are heterosexuals any different from homosexuals in regards to the sexual activity?"

Um, yes, quite different, actually. If you don't understand the concept, I've prepared some helpful diagrams. I warn you, they're a bit on the...anatomical side.

Throughout modern history Illuminati bankers have used "sexual liberation" to subvert society and establish their subtle tyranny. They realized that they couldn't take control until they destroyed the family. This was a main plank of the Communist Manifesto in 1848, along with the creation of a private central bank.

Okay, Makow is menacing us with a cabal of gay communist Freemasons. If he can just find some way to turn them into Nazi Muslims too he'll have the full hat trick.

The Illuminati used Hugh Hefner's "Playboy" to divorce sex from love, marriage and family. There is nothing so destructive to human society as the separation of sex and love. It reduces men to dogs, and women to fire hydrants.

Whoa! Okay, wow, that was so much more about what goes on in the Makow family bedroom than I ever, ever wanted to know. Ya know for a professional prude he's a little on the kinky side...

All pornography is gay. The porn consumer is engaged in a promiscuous masturbatory fantasy. Pornography is poisoning heterosexuality.

Wait, I can be promiscuous even when I'm masturbating? Like, even when I'm alone? What if I...what if I put a sheet over myself, does that negate the promiscuous gayness? Or what if I'm underwater, like, where no one can find me? Here, let me draw a diagram of how I do it and you tell me whether this counts or not.

I hate to burst the bubble on a billion dollar industry: Young naked women are practically identical. They have identical equipment. Boobs and bush. Symmetrical faces. Do men need to see literally thousands of examples?

So, Henry, how's the wife these days? Happy? Or is she still steamed over that name tag you make her wear? Like it's your fault they all look alike, right?

Marriage ensured that men would have to commit if they wanted sex. By undermining marriage, occult social engineers have turned a critical social and reproductive activity into a lifetime obsession, better to divert, degrade and control the masses.

I don't get it; he's making this sound like some kind of bad thing?

I don't know what people were complaining about. As far as I'm concerned, best PTA meeting EVER.

Together with feminist activists (who believe heterosexuality is inherently oppressive) gay activists began to dismantle all heterosexual institutions: masculinity, femininity, marriage, the nuclear family, the boy scouts, sports, and the military.

Well, now that he mentions it, I myself have never produced a child, joined the boy scouts, gone to a baseball game, or blown up anyone overseas. So he may very well have me there.

Backed by the financial elite, gay activists and their supporters now largely dictate our cultural sensibility. They are responsible for the puerile pornographic obsession that pervades television, music videos and the Internet. In 40 short years, almost all sexual constraints have dissolved and heterosexual society is reeling.

Yeah, I know, sweet deal, right? So what the hell are you complaining about? Maybe you're just working too hard. Have you visited with the fire hydrant today? I mean, the wife?