The following is an actual blog posting from Kimberley Daniels, featured on CBN.com in the fall of 2009. It has since been removed (small wonder why).
I want to assure you that, other than my obvious editorial asides, this piece has not been altered in any way.
***
Regular Text=Content of original column.
Bold Text=Stuff I imagine the writer was probably thinking but didn't say.
Halloween—October 31—is considered a holiday in the United States.
Also the anniversary of the day my first husband left me for a German podiatrist, but that's neither here nor there.
In fact, it rivals Christmas with regard to how widely celebrated it is.
But less so in regards to how likely it is to drive you to alcoholism.
Stores that sell only Halloween-related paraphernalia open up a few months before the day and close shortly after it ends.
But is Halloween a holiday that Christians should be observing? The word "holiday" means "holy day." But there is nothing holy about Halloween. The root word of Halloween is "hallow," which means "holy, consecrated and set apart for service."
As you can see, my subscripton to OED.com is really paying off!
If this holiday is hallowed, whose service is it set apart for? The answer to that question is very easy—Lucifer's!
Lucifer is a part of the demonic godhead.
Not to be confused with the demonic headshop, which is having a huge sale on some really ripping pieces next week.
Remember, everything God has, the devil has a counterfeit.
For example, God drives a 1972 365GTS, while the devil drives the Coachcraft knockoff they used in ‘Ferris Bueller’s Day Off’. To the untrained eye, they’re nearly indistinguishable.
Halloween is a counterfeit holy day that is dedicated to celebrating the demonic trinity of the Luciferian Spirit (the false father); the Antichrist Spirit (the false holy spirit); and the Spirit of Belial (the false son).
The possible role of the Trinity Broadcasting Network in this sordid assemblage has yet to be determined.
The key word in discussing Halloween is "dedicated." It is dedicated to darkness and is an accursed season. During Halloween, time-released curses are always loosed. A time-released curse is a period that has been set aside to release demonic activity and to ensnare souls in great measure.
Yeah, little did you know that demonic curses work on the same time-released schedule as your sleeping pills.
"Are you having trouble staying cursed all night? Do you find yourself tossing and turning trying at all hours because you just can’t get cursed when you want to? Try Satanata! Our patented time-released formula ensures that you get cursed and stay cursed all night long!"
You may ask, "Doesn't God have more power than the devil?" Yes, but He has given that power to us. If we do not walk in it, we will become the devil's prey. Witchcraft works through dirty hearts and wrong spirits.
Say it with me folks: "I. Have. THE POWAHH!!!"
During this period demons are assigned against those who participate in the rituals and festivities. These demons are automatically drawn to the fetishes that open doors for them to come into the lives of human beings.
For example, I have a fetish about men in striped silk stockings. Demons are automatically drawn to that. Or wait, am I talking about the other kind of fetish? Erm…
For example, most of the candy sold during this season has been dedicated and prayed over by witches.
When reached for comment on these accusations of pagan witchcraft tainting their products, the CEOs of Nestle, Hershey, and Mars responded:
"Double, double toil and trouble;
Fire burn, and caldron bubble!
Fillet of a fenny snake,
In the caldron boil and bake;
Eye of newt, and toe of frog,
Wool of bat, and tongue of dog!"
I do not buy candy during the Halloween season. Curses are sent through the tricks and treats of the innocent whether they get it by going door to door or by purchasing it from the local grocery store. The demons cannot tell the difference.
Why the witches don't use this unprecedented and baffling access to our candy supply to curse candy the other eleven months of the year is a mystery. Similarly, why they haven't cursed our entire food supply remains unclear. I assume this is just their natural laziness at work, but I can promise that trick or treat candy is cursed reliably every year.
Even the colors of Halloween (orange, brown and dark red) are dedicated.
This is different from the way the color red is dedicated to Jesus. I’m not sure how though.
These colors are connected to the fall equinox, which is around the 20th or 21st of September each year and is sometimes called "Mabon."
Because the leaves turn orange and red and then brown in the fall, see? So to review, leaves are evil.
During this season witches are celebrating the changing of the seasons from summer to fall. They give praise to the gods for the demonic harvest.
That harvest being primarily candy corn and jujubes, of course.
They pray to the gods of the elements (air, fire, water and earth).
Or sometimes just Earth, Wind, and Fire.
Mother earth is highly celebrated during the fall demonic harvest. Witches praise mother earth by bringing her fruits, nuts and herbs.
Mother earth appreciates a good Satanic potluck.
Demons are loosed during these acts of worship. When nice church folk lay out their pumpkins on the church lawn, fill their baskets with nuts and herbs, and fire up their bonfires, the demons get busy. They have no respect for the church grounds. They respect only the sacrifice and do not care if it comes from believers or non-believers.
As you can tell, I spend a lot of time thinking about demons getting busy in church. A whole lot of time.
Gathering around bonfires is a common practice in pagan worship.
Also a common practice for anyone who is feeling really, really cold. Demon worship and pissy weather go hand in hand. God prefers Mediterranean climates. Everyone in Norway? You're pretty much going to Hell.
As I remember, the bonfires that I attended during homecoming week when I was in high school were always in the fall. I am amazed at how we ignorantly participate in pagan, occult rituals.
At least, I assume they were in the fall. I never actually went, because I always asked where the bonfire would be and they always told me it was in miller’s field, and then I would go out there and no one would be there and I’d just wait around all night, then when I asked Sandy about it the next day she always just kind of smiled and said ‘Oops, we changed it to the beach, I guess everyone forgot to tell you,’ and I’m not sure I really believed that because it happened EVERY SINGLE YEAR!
The gods of harvest that the witches worship during their fall festivals are the Corn King and the Harvest Lord.
That Jolly Green Giant fellow has a rather pagan look about him too, but so far we haven't turned up any dirt on him.
The devil is too stupid to understand that Jesus is the Lord of the Harvest 365 days a year. But we cannot be ignorant of the devices of the enemy. When we pray, we bind the powers of the strong men that people involved in the occult worship.
The devil is very stupid, but he’s actually weaved this elaborate web of trickery and misrepresentation to lure us into pagan worship quite artfully over the years. Beware of the wiles of the stupid, easily-tricked devil.
Halloween is much more than a holiday filled with fun and tricks or treats. It is a time for the gathering of evil that masquerades behind the fictitious characters of Dracula, werewolves, mummies and witches on brooms. The truth is that these demons that have been presented as scary cartoons actually exist. I have prayed for witches who are addicted to drinking blood and howling at the moon.
(Edit: The reader may wish to know that I, too, have often prayed for a witch who is addicted to drinking blood and howling at the moon, but, sadly, God has yet to provide one for me. I mean, come on, that sounds like one wild, kinky girl, am I right?
Although, and I swear to God this is true, I did once know a girl who expressed a wish to use my virgin blood in a ceremony, the purpose of which she wouldn't share. If you were wondering what the fastest possible way to scare me off of a crush is, wonder no more...
Also, we should remember that moon howling addiction is no laughing matter. I had a friend once who had a serious moon howling problem until he joined Lunar Anonymous. Sure, it started off simple enough, just a harmless howl once a month, but before you know he was screaming himself hoarse at the moon ten, twenty, sometimes thirty times a night.
And on those new moon nights, when he was jonesing hard for a howl and there was no moon out? Scary stuff man. I once found him naked and tethered to a mailbox, howling over and over at a lamppost. It’s a damn shame.)
While the lukewarm and ignorant think of these customs as "just harmless fun," the vortexes of hell are releasing new assignments against souls. Witches take pride in laughing at the ignorance of natural men (those who ignore the spirit realm).
Decorating buildings with Halloween scenes, dressing up for parties, going door-to-door for candy, standing around bonfires and highlighting pumpkin patches are all acts rooted in entertaining familiar spirits.
These days the spirits just TiVo most of the entertainment, which seems a little rude to me.
All these activities are demonic and have occult roots. The word "occult" means "secret." The danger of Halloween is not in the scary things we see but in the secret, wicked, cruel activities that go on behind the scenes.
You know, secret, like the things that went on with Father Tim in the rectory when I was eight that I’m never, ever supposed to talk about.
These activities include:
*Demonic pagan orgies.
*Ritual animal molestation.
*Ritual child molestaion and sacrifice.
I know because I spend quite a lot of time thinking about these things. Sometimes it’s all I think about. Day in day out, you’d be amazed at how hard it is to get pagan sex orgies out of your head. So very, very hard…
Another abomination that goes on behind the scenes of Halloween is necromancy, or communication with the dead. Séances and contacting spirit guides are very popular on Halloween, so there is a lot of darkness lurking in the air.
Again, this is different from the way people talk to the dead in the Bible. I’m not sure how.
However, Ephesians 1:19-21 speaks of the authority of the believer and the exceeding greatness of God's power in us (the same power that raised Christ from the dead). It goes on to say that that Jesus is seated in heavenly places far above all principalities, power, might, dominions and every name that is named. The good news is that because we are seated in heavenly places with Jesus, the same demonic activity that is under His feet is under our feet, too!
So, to review, Jesus is walking on pagan demon orgies. But in a totally non-kinky way, I assure you.
People who worship the devil continue to attempt to lift him up. But he has already been cast out and down! Many are blinded to this fact, but the day will come when all will know he has been defeated once and for all.
When we accept Jesus but refuse to renounce Satan and his practices, we are neither hot nor cold but lukewarm—and the Word says that God will spit us out of His mouth.
God uses a lukewarm mouthrinse twice a day to preserve gum health.
The problem with lukewarm is that it attempts to mix the things of the devil with the things of God.
Like that time I spiked the holy water.
It is God's desire that we serve Him alone.
Second Corinthians 6:15 asks the question, "And what agreement has Christ with Belial?" As believers, we need to answer that question in our hearts. We must avoid the very appearance of evil. I would not want a demon spirit to mistake me for an occult worshiper.
Let me stress again: the most important element is how everything looks. Actual underlying thoughts, feelings, and truths are disregarded by cosmic entities.
There is no doubt in my heart that God is not calling us to replace fall festivals and Halloween activities; rather, He wants us to utterly destroy the deeds of this season. If you or your family members have opened the door to any curses that are released during the demonic fall festivals, renounce them and repent. I already have. Then declare with me: "As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord!"
Do you want freedom from fear? Find peace with God
(Edit: Well, I'm sure feeling some seasonal fear, but I don't think it's the cursed Snickers talking...)
I want to assure you that, other than my obvious editorial asides, this piece has not been altered in any way.
***
Regular Text=Content of original column.
Bold Text=Stuff I imagine the writer was probably thinking but didn't say.
Halloween—October 31—is considered a holiday in the United States.
Also the anniversary of the day my first husband left me for a German podiatrist, but that's neither here nor there.
In fact, it rivals Christmas with regard to how widely celebrated it is.
But less so in regards to how likely it is to drive you to alcoholism.
Stores that sell only Halloween-related paraphernalia open up a few months before the day and close shortly after it ends.
But is Halloween a holiday that Christians should be observing? The word "holiday" means "holy day." But there is nothing holy about Halloween. The root word of Halloween is "hallow," which means "holy, consecrated and set apart for service."
As you can see, my subscripton to OED.com is really paying off!
If this holiday is hallowed, whose service is it set apart for? The answer to that question is very easy—Lucifer's!
Lucifer is a part of the demonic godhead.
Not to be confused with the demonic headshop, which is having a huge sale on some really ripping pieces next week.
Remember, everything God has, the devil has a counterfeit.
For example, God drives a 1972 365GTS, while the devil drives the Coachcraft knockoff they used in ‘Ferris Bueller’s Day Off’. To the untrained eye, they’re nearly indistinguishable.
Halloween is a counterfeit holy day that is dedicated to celebrating the demonic trinity of the Luciferian Spirit (the false father); the Antichrist Spirit (the false holy spirit); and the Spirit of Belial (the false son).
The possible role of the Trinity Broadcasting Network in this sordid assemblage has yet to be determined.
The key word in discussing Halloween is "dedicated." It is dedicated to darkness and is an accursed season. During Halloween, time-released curses are always loosed. A time-released curse is a period that has been set aside to release demonic activity and to ensnare souls in great measure.
Yeah, little did you know that demonic curses work on the same time-released schedule as your sleeping pills.
"Are you having trouble staying cursed all night? Do you find yourself tossing and turning trying at all hours because you just can’t get cursed when you want to? Try Satanata! Our patented time-released formula ensures that you get cursed and stay cursed all night long!"
You may ask, "Doesn't God have more power than the devil?" Yes, but He has given that power to us. If we do not walk in it, we will become the devil's prey. Witchcraft works through dirty hearts and wrong spirits.
Say it with me folks: "I. Have. THE POWAHH!!!"
During this period demons are assigned against those who participate in the rituals and festivities. These demons are automatically drawn to the fetishes that open doors for them to come into the lives of human beings.
For example, I have a fetish about men in striped silk stockings. Demons are automatically drawn to that. Or wait, am I talking about the other kind of fetish? Erm…
For example, most of the candy sold during this season has been dedicated and prayed over by witches.
When reached for comment on these accusations of pagan witchcraft tainting their products, the CEOs of Nestle, Hershey, and Mars responded:
"Double, double toil and trouble;
Fire burn, and caldron bubble!
Fillet of a fenny snake,
In the caldron boil and bake;
Eye of newt, and toe of frog,
Wool of bat, and tongue of dog!"
I do not buy candy during the Halloween season. Curses are sent through the tricks and treats of the innocent whether they get it by going door to door or by purchasing it from the local grocery store. The demons cannot tell the difference.
Why the witches don't use this unprecedented and baffling access to our candy supply to curse candy the other eleven months of the year is a mystery. Similarly, why they haven't cursed our entire food supply remains unclear. I assume this is just their natural laziness at work, but I can promise that trick or treat candy is cursed reliably every year.
Even the colors of Halloween (orange, brown and dark red) are dedicated.
This is different from the way the color red is dedicated to Jesus. I’m not sure how though.
These colors are connected to the fall equinox, which is around the 20th or 21st of September each year and is sometimes called "Mabon."
Because the leaves turn orange and red and then brown in the fall, see? So to review, leaves are evil.
During this season witches are celebrating the changing of the seasons from summer to fall. They give praise to the gods for the demonic harvest.
That harvest being primarily candy corn and jujubes, of course.
They pray to the gods of the elements (air, fire, water and earth).
Or sometimes just Earth, Wind, and Fire.
Mother earth is highly celebrated during the fall demonic harvest. Witches praise mother earth by bringing her fruits, nuts and herbs.
Mother earth appreciates a good Satanic potluck.
Demons are loosed during these acts of worship. When nice church folk lay out their pumpkins on the church lawn, fill their baskets with nuts and herbs, and fire up their bonfires, the demons get busy. They have no respect for the church grounds. They respect only the sacrifice and do not care if it comes from believers or non-believers.
As you can tell, I spend a lot of time thinking about demons getting busy in church. A whole lot of time.
Gathering around bonfires is a common practice in pagan worship.
Also a common practice for anyone who is feeling really, really cold. Demon worship and pissy weather go hand in hand. God prefers Mediterranean climates. Everyone in Norway? You're pretty much going to Hell.
As I remember, the bonfires that I attended during homecoming week when I was in high school were always in the fall. I am amazed at how we ignorantly participate in pagan, occult rituals.
At least, I assume they were in the fall. I never actually went, because I always asked where the bonfire would be and they always told me it was in miller’s field, and then I would go out there and no one would be there and I’d just wait around all night, then when I asked Sandy about it the next day she always just kind of smiled and said ‘Oops, we changed it to the beach, I guess everyone forgot to tell you,’ and I’m not sure I really believed that because it happened EVERY SINGLE YEAR!
The gods of harvest that the witches worship during their fall festivals are the Corn King and the Harvest Lord.
That Jolly Green Giant fellow has a rather pagan look about him too, but so far we haven't turned up any dirt on him.
The devil is too stupid to understand that Jesus is the Lord of the Harvest 365 days a year. But we cannot be ignorant of the devices of the enemy. When we pray, we bind the powers of the strong men that people involved in the occult worship.
The devil is very stupid, but he’s actually weaved this elaborate web of trickery and misrepresentation to lure us into pagan worship quite artfully over the years. Beware of the wiles of the stupid, easily-tricked devil.
Halloween is much more than a holiday filled with fun and tricks or treats. It is a time for the gathering of evil that masquerades behind the fictitious characters of Dracula, werewolves, mummies and witches on brooms. The truth is that these demons that have been presented as scary cartoons actually exist. I have prayed for witches who are addicted to drinking blood and howling at the moon.
(Edit: The reader may wish to know that I, too, have often prayed for a witch who is addicted to drinking blood and howling at the moon, but, sadly, God has yet to provide one for me. I mean, come on, that sounds like one wild, kinky girl, am I right?
Although, and I swear to God this is true, I did once know a girl who expressed a wish to use my virgin blood in a ceremony, the purpose of which she wouldn't share. If you were wondering what the fastest possible way to scare me off of a crush is, wonder no more...
Also, we should remember that moon howling addiction is no laughing matter. I had a friend once who had a serious moon howling problem until he joined Lunar Anonymous. Sure, it started off simple enough, just a harmless howl once a month, but before you know he was screaming himself hoarse at the moon ten, twenty, sometimes thirty times a night.
And on those new moon nights, when he was jonesing hard for a howl and there was no moon out? Scary stuff man. I once found him naked and tethered to a mailbox, howling over and over at a lamppost. It’s a damn shame.)
While the lukewarm and ignorant think of these customs as "just harmless fun," the vortexes of hell are releasing new assignments against souls. Witches take pride in laughing at the ignorance of natural men (those who ignore the spirit realm).
Decorating buildings with Halloween scenes, dressing up for parties, going door-to-door for candy, standing around bonfires and highlighting pumpkin patches are all acts rooted in entertaining familiar spirits.
These days the spirits just TiVo most of the entertainment, which seems a little rude to me.
All these activities are demonic and have occult roots. The word "occult" means "secret." The danger of Halloween is not in the scary things we see but in the secret, wicked, cruel activities that go on behind the scenes.
You know, secret, like the things that went on with Father Tim in the rectory when I was eight that I’m never, ever supposed to talk about.
These activities include:
*Demonic pagan orgies.
*Ritual animal molestation.
*Ritual child molestaion and sacrifice.
I know because I spend quite a lot of time thinking about these things. Sometimes it’s all I think about. Day in day out, you’d be amazed at how hard it is to get pagan sex orgies out of your head. So very, very hard…
Another abomination that goes on behind the scenes of Halloween is necromancy, or communication with the dead. Séances and contacting spirit guides are very popular on Halloween, so there is a lot of darkness lurking in the air.
Again, this is different from the way people talk to the dead in the Bible. I’m not sure how.
However, Ephesians 1:19-21 speaks of the authority of the believer and the exceeding greatness of God's power in us (the same power that raised Christ from the dead). It goes on to say that that Jesus is seated in heavenly places far above all principalities, power, might, dominions and every name that is named. The good news is that because we are seated in heavenly places with Jesus, the same demonic activity that is under His feet is under our feet, too!
So, to review, Jesus is walking on pagan demon orgies. But in a totally non-kinky way, I assure you.
People who worship the devil continue to attempt to lift him up. But he has already been cast out and down! Many are blinded to this fact, but the day will come when all will know he has been defeated once and for all.
When we accept Jesus but refuse to renounce Satan and his practices, we are neither hot nor cold but lukewarm—and the Word says that God will spit us out of His mouth.
God uses a lukewarm mouthrinse twice a day to preserve gum health.
The problem with lukewarm is that it attempts to mix the things of the devil with the things of God.
Like that time I spiked the holy water.
It is God's desire that we serve Him alone.
Second Corinthians 6:15 asks the question, "And what agreement has Christ with Belial?" As believers, we need to answer that question in our hearts. We must avoid the very appearance of evil. I would not want a demon spirit to mistake me for an occult worshiper.
Let me stress again: the most important element is how everything looks. Actual underlying thoughts, feelings, and truths are disregarded by cosmic entities.
There is no doubt in my heart that God is not calling us to replace fall festivals and Halloween activities; rather, He wants us to utterly destroy the deeds of this season. If you or your family members have opened the door to any curses that are released during the demonic fall festivals, renounce them and repent. I already have. Then declare with me: "As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord!"
Do you want freedom from fear? Find peace with God
(Edit: Well, I'm sure feeling some seasonal fear, but I don't think it's the cursed Snickers talking...)
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