Race study confirms: People with low standards are easy to impress.

See, there's such a thing as good news, and then there's such a thing as news that is only good if you're just barely paying attention and/or expected worse. Like those really old people who can't get upset about their diabetes because they always assumed they'd be dead by now anyway.

The Pew Research Center (not to be confused with the Peeuw Research Center, whose work I find highly dubious) released a study on interracial dating and marriage in America, concluding that Americans are much more open about such couplings than they were twenty five years ago. Why would I possibly have a problem with that? Well, look at these numbers:

"About 83 percent of Americans say it is 'all right for blacks and whites to date each other,' up from 48 percent in 1987."

First of all, 80s America, what the hell? Forty eight percent in 1987? Christ, forty eight percent of just the people who saw "Guess Who's Coming to Dinner" came out with a leg up on you, and that was the fucking 60s, when "Just 'cuz" was still a reasonable legal statute for punching a black man in the back of the head.

If you could see them from the waist down, you'd know why they were smiling.

And frankly, I'm not really happy about that 83% number either. Who is that leftover 17%? What's their problem? Is this about Obama? Look, I'm disappointed too, but this is not the appropriate way to express it.

And this part just kills me:

"As a whole, about 63 percent of those surveyed say it 'would be fine' if a family member were to marry outside their own race."

Sixty three?! Not even two thirds? If this were a high school class, America wouldn't even rate a D+ in interracial marriage. We'd be cheating off of Canada's paper all the time and probably still fucking up. People, this is just not good enough. You know what a good number is? A hundred. Nice and round. Easy on addition. Except you don't have to add anything, because it's everyone.

Now I know what you're thinking. And let me say, those thoughts are disgusting. For the love of Christ, that's your cousin. But I know what else you're thinking about too; there will always be assholes. You can't expect the best out of everybody, right? Well, I don't really give a damn. I refuse to be impressed by these results. Better than 1987 is still not good enough.

It's a low bar to clear, in some contexts.

And you know who I blame? Tiger Woods. He was like our national ambassador for cross-ethnic genital hockey, the product of an interracial coupling who could not stop having interracial couplings. Look Tiger, I know things went to shit for you, but you've got another 37% of Americans to reach. That's a lot of women.

And let's face it, it's not like you're playing much golf these days. Maybe your true calling was that other thing all along, know what I mean?