At the Gates of Banality.

Usually when fate drops something into my path, it's an anvil. Or a safe, or just a very big rock. Once it was a hot dog stand, that was a weird day.

This time, though, it was a library book. Not so much dropped in my path as left, quite innocently, on a bench as I sauntered by (yeah, I saunter from time to time. No big deal, just something I do when I want to talk or stroll with a leisurely gait).

The book's title? "At the Gates of Darkness." Catchy, isn't it? Apparently it's written by a Raymond E Feist. I could swear I've heard that name somewhere before, although possibly just in a Groucho Marx movie.

The cover also informs me that this is "Book Two of the Demonwar Saga." Apparently when demons go to war, they spawn a compound word. You just can't communicate warring demons with two separate words. Cannot be done.

From the back cover:

Ten years after the terrible Darkwar finally ended, catastrophe once again threatens to engulf Midkemia and Kelewan, as the demon hordes continue their relentless quest to infiltrate this realm of magic and wonder. . . .

Couple things spring to mind:

1. I'm glad they went out of their way to tell me that the Darkwar was terrible. I can imagine a Darkwar being kind of pleasant in an offbeat way, so the distinction is very important.

2. Apparently there was a Darkwar, and now there is a Demonwar. The author blurb informs me that there are also sagas pertaining to a Riftwar and a Serpentwar. There's no danger of running out of things to war with, is what I'm saying.

Continuing from the back:

To protect their world from the savage demon hordes, the Black Sorcerer Pug and Midkemia's clandestine protectors, the Conclave of Shadows, forged an uneasy alliance of formidable magical talents. Together, this brave band of wizards, demon masters, warriors, and elves defeated the brutal Demon King Maarg and turned back the onrushing death tide.

Question: Shouldn't that be a "deathtide"? I think if wars deserve compound words, tides should as well.

Honestly though, sounds like the Conclave of Shadows knows what they're doing. Of all the tides that you would consider it important to turn back, death tide has gotta be at the top of the list. I wonder if they've ever considered changing the name though? "Conclave of Shadows" sounds a little, I dunno, shadowy?

Battling the Demon Legion has taken a heavy blood toll on the valiant and dedicated magician, claiming the lives of nearly all those he loves. Though he is racked by despair and rage, Pug knows that the time for mourning must wait. Putting aside his pain, he and the Conclave and their allies—the cold-blooded master spy Jim Dasher; the fearsome young Knight-Adamant Sandreena; her former lover the necromancer Amirantha; two renegade Star Elves; and Pug's surviving son, Magnus—must marshal their resources against the latest threat.

Okay, let's take it from the top:

-If your name is "Pug", I guess you pretty much have to become a sorcerer. No way around it. Never going to be taken seriously otherwise. Coach Pug ain't gonna cut it. Judge Pug? That's almost a pun. It's Black Sorcerer or nothing.

-On the other hand, if your name is "Jim Dasher", you can do virtually anything and it will sound cool: "Jim Dasher, attorney at law," "Jim Dasher's New and Used Auto," "Jim Dasher, Fastest Barber on the West Side!" Pretty much an all-purpose moniker. Pug is probably a little jealous. Hell, I am too.

-Knight-Adamant Sandreena and "her former lover the necromancer Amirantha", huh? They sound like a cute couple. Wonder why they split? Not enough in common maybe. The necromancy and the adamancy, very little overlap there. Plus, who has time for a relationship with all of this Darkwarring and Demonwarring going on? Probably they're both just busy with work.

-Two renegade Star Elves apparently do not warrant names. Know why? Because no matter what their names are, they can't compare with Jim Dasher. The wise elf knows to bow out when so clearly outmatched.

-Pug has a surviving son, which I guess means one or more non-surviving sons perished in one of these wars or another. Being a Black Sorcerer must attract some serious tail, because let's face it, when your name is Pug, it's an uphill trek.

At the gates of darkness, where shadows hide even deeper shadows, these magical defenders will face what is sure to be the bloodiest, nastiest fight their land has ever seen.

Well how is the land going to see anything with all of those shadow-hiding shadows in the way?

And as evil, mayhem, and dark magic are unleashed, none can predict if they—and Midkemia itself—will survive.

No one can predict, really? I'll just lay out the odds now:

-Magnus is clearly boned, but Pug is probably covered for sequel purposes.

-One of the two Star Elves is gonna eat it, because let's face it, you pack a spare for a reason.

-One of the two love birds is on the way out. Probably the necromancer, because if it's the knight chick then the necro guy is going to be left with an awkward decision that we should all probably never think about.

-And Jim Dasher, of course, is probably home already, sipping fine cognac while the rest of these losers are stumbling around in the shadow-hiding shadows.

Yep, looks like everything is pretty much in order there.

What's that? You're wondering if I actually read the book? Well, honestly, I think I'm having more fun just doing this.