Are you fucking serious? Superhero movie edition.

Yes, it's that time again, the time when we take a few moments out of our day to sit down with some of our fellow human beings and ask them the question that they so desperately need to hear:

"ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS?"

With the Fourth of July fresh in our memories, I can't help but dwell on how completely, totally, and downright embarrassingly stoked I am about the upcoming "Captain America" movie.

It may shock you to learn though that some people just aren't as pro-America as I am (I being a remorseless pinko Socialist left-wing long-haired San Francisco liberal, of course), to the point that studios are a little worried that Chris Evan's red white and blue routine won't sit as well with the international audiences who account for most of American movie's box office revenues.

To wit:

"Paramount Pictures and Marvel Studios gave distributors around the world the option of shortening the title of 'Captain America: The First Avenger' to simply 'The First Avenger,' out of concern about anti-American sentiment. But the only countries that took them up on it were Russia, Ukraine and South Korea."

Okay, first of all: South Korean, what the fuck? I thought we were cool?

Second of all, I can't remember the last time I heard a dumber business plan that did not involve the phrase "New Coke."

Now, okay, fine, I admit, I get that other countries are probably a little tired of all the self-love and flag waving in American action movies, I totally get that. But I still have to call bullshit on this for two reasons:

1. He's Captain America, this is kind of a special case. "America" is his fucking name, cut us a little slack, wouldja?

2. He's Captain America, do you really think that anyone with anti-American sentiments is going to be fooled just by taking the word "America" out of the title? For fuck's sake, THIS is what the star of the movie is wearing:

I'm just going to go out on a limb here and speculate that no matter what the title is, people are probably going to notice the American flag-themed spandex bodysuit.

And shield.

And MOTORCYCLE.

This is the very definition of a fool's errand. No one will look at that color scheme and think that this movie is about Captain Chile or Captain Cuba or Captain Puerto Rico. Or Captain North Korea, or Captain Samoa, or Captain Panama, or Captain Australia, or-damn, there's a lot of red, white, and blue flags with stars on them.

I mean, look, this is like taking a bunch of Klansman to a Denzel Washington film festival. Even if you don't let them see any of the movie posters beforehand, it will not escape their attention that he is black, not even for a second. He is a black man, black is the color of his skin and these people have eyes and they will put two and two together. Pretty much the same thing here.

So to the folks at Paramount and Marvel studios, as well as those running the Russian, Ukrainian, and South Korean distrubution (et tu, Seoul?), I just have one question for you:

ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS?