Tim LaHey's, "The Last Blog Ever."

As you may know, Oakland's Harold Camping has predicted that the end of the world will begin in New Zealand on Friday, 11:00 PM Pacific time.

And then, kindly sticking to a time zone-specific schedule as it sweeps West, eventually get to California around 6:00 PM Saturday.

Somehow I don't think this is exactly what we should expect.

In all fairness to Camping, he's only been wrong about the Apocalypse once before (in 1994), and he's got of lot of people taking this seriously. You might think the prospect of world-ending catastrophe would dampen my sense of humor, but on the contrary, I relish the opportunity before me.

I plan to simultaneously update all of my blogs at about ten 'till the onset of doomsday, which means that, with any luck at all, I will have the privilege of telling:

THE LAST JOKE IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD.

Of course, we'll have all day to wait for it to get here from the other hemisphere, but I would guess that at that point most of us won't be in the mood for laughs. So, just like aiming to have the first baby of the new year, I feel I've at least got a reasonable shot at delivering mankind's last (recorded) punchline.

It goes without saying that this is a humbling responsibility, which I've taken on myself for basically no reason beyond the fact that I wanna and that I'm very unlikely to leave any other legacy, unless of course you count that stain on the rec hall ceiling circa 1992 or so.

For the record, the record of course being of even greater importance now than ever, this is not a joke of my own devising, but I feel no particular need to credit the source because, come on, what's he gonna do, sue me after the world ends?

Close, but still not quite there.

And now, without further ado (because I would guess we only have a couple more minutes at this point), I give you:

THE LAST JOKE IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD.

Ahem.

"The Seven Dwarves got to the Vatican, and Dopey asks the Pope:

'Are there any dwarf nuns in Italy?'

And the Pope says 'No, there are no dwarf nuns in Italy.'"

And the other six dwarves all start cracking up. So Dopey asks: 'Are there any dwarf nuns in Europe?'

And the Pope says: 'No, there are no dwarf nuns in Europe.'

And the other dwarves start cracking up even more.

So finally Dopey asks: 'Are there any dwarf nuns in the entire world?'

And the Pope says: 'No, there are no dwarf nuns in the entire world.'

At which point all six other dwarves start hooting and hollering and laughing like mad and chanting:

'You know what that means?

'Dopey fucked a penguin, Dopey fucked a penguin!'"

***

And there you have it. Somehow this just feels like the proper note to go out on.

There it is! That's the shit you gotta be looking out for.

By my clock, I have about twenty five seconds left to repent. If, on the twenty sixth second, nothing has happened yet, I will then most likely keep with the Disney theme and be back with a joke about how Eeyore is gay. What? Come on, think about it he gets nailed in the butt every week!

Boom! Yes! You all saw it: last second pre-Apocalypse gay joke! I can NOT, BE, STOPPED!